Below are the 15 most recent journal entries recorded in Richard Melo's LiveJournal:

Monday, July 21st, 2008
3:45 pm	Beatles for sale We had a yard sale over the weekend, and on a whim, I decided to put out a bunch of old albums, a dollar a pop. Before I knew it, I had sold more than 100 records to at least 15 different people. Mostly, they were 80s postpunk/powerpop and 60s rock. I just sat there on the steps, and when someone was looking at an album, I would tell some crazy story about it, about Jonathan Richman or Let's Active or Klark Kent or the Replacements. To make a long story short, I met Uncle Mort from KBOO's Rockaholics Anonymous, and after telling him yarns about the Left Banke and Michael Brown (not the legendary FEMA "heckuva job, Brownie" Michael Brown), he invited me as a guest on his show in August to play some Left Banke and its spin-off groups (The Beckies, The Stories, Montage). I'm as pleased as punch. I will write something about "Walk Away Renee" soon and post it here, just for kicks (and to revive the journal). (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
4:25 pm	Opening my own mattress store? Sure, why not? Then again, not for me so much. It's nice to see the mattress industry flourishing, though it's a shame there aren't waterbed stores in every strip mall like there were back in the 1980s. If I have a change of heart and decide to open my own mattress shop, I am torn between two different store names: Mattress Loc (That's one of them) Sleep Member (That's the other) I just wish there were more hours in the day so I could open more stores. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
12:48 pm	Joe Cocker Joe Cocker is entertaining enough without captions. It never occurred to me how unintelligible this song is. This is the most fun I've had on the internet all day. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 30th, 2008
11:48 am	Fun joke to play when in Portland Downtown Portland these days is filled with nice people. For example, these people: Who are they? They are Sidewalk Ambassadors, and they have been serving downtown since 2002. They are ready to greet anyone they see, and always they want to assist. They are particularly helpful if you are from out of town. If you are downtown, and can't find yourself a helpful Sidewalk Ambassador, surely you can find a canvass artist from Children's International, Greenplace, the DNC or other causes, and they just love to engage passersby in pleasant conversation. Here now is how to have some fun. Dress like an out-of-towner and drag downtown one of those suitcases with wheels on it across downtown and the Pearl District. Look up at all the tall buildings as much as possible, scratch your head, and broadcast an air of confusion. When you find someone willing to stop and help you, ask what's the quickest route to LAX.* * For those readers of this blog who are not from Portland and of course, our readers overseas, LAX is an airport located in Los Angeles, CA. Portland has no LAX, and the nearest LAX is 1,000 miles away. By asking people in Portland how to get to LAX, you'll cause upheaval in their reality, and you can laugh about it later. For those of you who are sticklers for the truth, the correct answer is head south on Interstate 5. Watch for the LAX exits. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 7th, 2008
11:10 am	Obama and Oregon Oregon might be the clincher for Obama. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 5th, 2008
4:58 pm	Wedding bell blues So in a couple weeks, I will be married. Sigh. I wanted to put a little bit of the ol' Melo oomph into the ceremony, but so far my two best ideas have been squashed. In the first idea, I wanted to order several thousand ping-pong balls, suspend them from the ceiling with netting, and in the moment when the marriage becomes official, have them rain upon the audience. It's a Ping-Pong Balls from Heaven type of effect. My second idea was to borrow twenty or so pooches from the Humane Society. Someone would keep the pooches hidden, then right at the moment when the marriage becomes official, the pooches would run across the staging area. Someone suggested getting bats instead, but that's a little too Scooby Doo for my wedding. Another idea might just work: I went to Portland's costume shop on Saturday, since I still don't know what I'm wearing and thought maybe I could find a good fez. What I did see were several larger than life bird head masks. All kinds of birds were represented: toucans, eagles, chickens. My hope is that tonight I have a dream on how these masks can work their way into the ceremony. My brother owns a stage lighting business. Maybe we can get a set up like in the 1978 Superman movie when when the bad guys are banished to the Phantom Zone. The ceremony is incredibly simple and involves the kids. When the kids come out, it will be to the theme from Rushmore. I am also trying to fit in the opening minute and a half of orchestration from the beginning of the bootleg version of Surf's Up from the Beach Boys' Smile album, because I think that's my all-time favorite piece of music. We're also hoping to squeeze in Lee Hazlewood and Nancy Sinatra singing "Some Velvet Morning," maybe during seating. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 1st, 2008
3:27 pm	Jeremiah Wright The problem isn't with Jeremiah Wright, the problem isn't with Obama. None of it makes a difference on what kind of president Obama would make or what kind of human he is. All the hullabaloo is created by whites who don't want to vote for an African-American (even if they know he is the strongest candidate) and who are looking for some kind of excuse, so they can avoid voting for him and not feel guilty and not consider themselves racist. The problem is with anyone who thinks Obama's relationship with his pastor is a problem. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 16th, 2008
11:55 am	Books that end with views from space [This is something of a test post to see if I can broadcast one entry to different blogs.] I just finished Mark Kurlansky's 1968: The Year that Rocked the World, and it had a dramatic, poignant ending. In December 1968, after a full year of commotion, people following current events saw photos of Earth taken by Apollo 8 from the perspective of the moon. It reminded me of the ending of Mark Davis' The Ecology of Fear, which shows satellite images of the LA area taken during the Rodney King-verdict riots that show excessive heat. Just an observation, nothing else. (Comment on this)
Monday, March 10th, 2008
3:52 pm	Strange forms of plagiarism Something about writing is I always feel like an amateur. I mean, I am almost forty and made my first attempts at writing novels more than twenty years ago, and though I don't have much to show for it, I've never stopped, and I'd like to think that I have a handle on the basics. Some days it feels like I never started. My newest technique is to buddy up with a notebook to watch movies (mostly old movies) that have a loose (very loose) connection to whatever it is I'm writing. I end up writing strange notes that I can no longer connect whatsoever to the movie, but they slip easily into my manuscript: Here's an example: Webbed driftwood Here's another example: Setting his sights on stealing the train conductor's hole punch Another: A shop with the words Black Swan embossed on the window glass Another: Peeking out from behind a plant in the lobby, keeping out of the sight of the hotel detective Lastly, a scrap of dialogue, which I modified: "Joe is nuts about you, but Stillman will kill you, if he finds out. If he finds out." (Comment on this)
Friday, February 8th, 2008
1:49 pm	No writers were harmed in the creation of this post Here's something fun to do while waiting for the writer's strike to end, maybe sooner than later. This is work-safe, because people in the next cubicle over like to laugh just as much as you do. . . . . . DIRECTIONS: 1. Start this music file. 2. When the music begins, count out six seconds. When that time has elapsed, read aloud (very loud) this text in your best TV announcer voice: From Hollyrock U.S.A., it's the Tonite Show, starring Fred Flintstone. This is Ed McMeteor along with Roc Severson and the Bedrock Orchestra inviting you to join Freddy and his guests, Magmalina Jolie and Jason Quartzman ... and now ladies and gentlemen, here's Freddy! 3. If it doesn't turn out so great the first time, try again! . . . . . Special bonus: Fred Flintstone driving his car with his fat little feet! (Comment on this)
Monday, January 28th, 2008
4:01 pm	Funny joke to pull at crosswalks For this joke, you will need to use four hippie friends*. Preferably, two of them will have long hair and beards. The other two can be less hippie but still should have something of the hippie about them. On a sunny day, take your friends to a suburban crosswalk, the type made of solid white bars where cars are lawfully bound to stop. When a car approaches, the four hippie friends should cross the street, one after the other, with equal space between them. Drivers will gasp, because it will appear as if the Beatles' Abbey Road album cover has just taken form right in front of them. It's the last thing anyone expects to see while out driving, especially here in America. This is a much funnier joke than riding mass transit without pants. *I neglected to mention that the prank is far more effective if the hippie friends resemble the Beatles. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
3:54 pm	Prank to pull on friends who drive I know in this post-Al Gore world, many people do not have cars. I applaud them, but this joke is for people who still do have cars. What you do is get some big, ol stickers that spell out the word FLEXCAR. I imagine it would work if you even get the decal letters that work on T-shirts. It doesn't matter so much how the letters look so much as as long as the letters spell out FLEXCAR. What you do is attach the FLEXCAR stickers to your friends' car. They won't notice right away, because when they go out to their car, it will be gone. Then just when they are ready to do something about it, the car will be back. Then it will be gone again. Then it will be back. This is a very funny prank to pull. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 8th, 2007
2:24 pm	I typically avoid pictures of me just because I do, and when there are photos, I am even less likely to post them here. But here is a photo of Grover and me, taken about a month ago. (I got hair like Richard Burton.)
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007
8:57 am	WowWee Alive Elvis Animatronic Elvis looks like he has a mouth full of owl poop. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
11:26 am	The prank that never was After twenty DamnPortlanders pranks, I retired the idea a week ago while it still had steam. It was only going to go downhill, and the last one was bombastic enough that it made for a thrilling conclusion to the entire venture. So now I am moving on to four new projects for 2006 that don’t specifically involve pranks or LiveJournal, but hopefully will be engaging, and I will post about them as they unfold. The novel I’m working on these days has long, comical passages that I’m writing in a vacuum. I am not showing pieces to anyone just yet, and I am awful at describing episodes to people to gauge their reactions. The pranks series helped give me a sense of what’s funny, what’s not funny, and what’s just plain weird. The novel does not have pranks in it, but I’d like to think it feeds off the same energy. The odd part is that now that I am dedicated to not posting hoaxes in DamnPortlanders any longer, the pranks keep coming to me. I can’t just throw a switch and turn them off. So here’s one last one, for good measure. The only DamnPortlanders who will ever know about it are the ones who read this journal. Here goes: Hey DPers! Did anyone catch the story on Fox News 12 during the last round of sweeps about the illicit sex ring based out of those big, raucous DocuShred trucks that are always parked along corners downtown? The reason I mention it is because there’s one outside my office right now, and it’s noisy as hell and rocking like crazy. I was shocked to find my co-workers knew nothing about it, even though I’m pretty sure it was also a Willamette Week cover story. To recap, the trucks are not shredding documents at all. Instead, their interiors are velvety luxurious, stocked with a wet bar, and fully soundproof. They serve the booty needs of some of Portland’s top corporate movers and shakers, which is why the trucks are always rocking (wink-wink). Just once, I would love to be around when the 15 minutes are up and some sheepish suit tries to sneak back into his office building. With all the media coverage, I am surprised this is still going on. (2 Comments |Comment on this)